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Our close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered several challenges, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's often caught off guard by people. Her husband left her, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of close acquaintances vanished during that time, because they seemed only interested in him. This surprised her. She made greater energy to be my friend, and must have understood more clearly the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, several close to her vanished without her being sure why. Her last employer turned on her, despite the fact that she was highly competent, and she left unaware of what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we have each stepped back from work so we're spending each other more, yet I realize the part I play in our friendship is to listen. I introduce subjects only for her to redirect conversation onto things she cares about. Politically, she expresses firm beliefs. I try to suggest verifying facts and alternate views.

She is planning a vacation abroad I've visited many times and lived in for a while. My intention was to share personal experiences, yet it was met with resistance. She essentially just desired validation of her plans. I've just come back from a month in that place and she wants to catch up, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling in this role who cuts and runs without explanation, but I don't think she can comprehend the effect of her actions on how I feel about myself. At this point, I am in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

It's possible to end things abruptly, however, that approach is seldom the easy answer we hope for. But confrontation with the goal of resolution takes courage and openness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates applying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one is to state how things go in your conversations. This needs to be based on facts like what a recording device would replay. Step two involves sharing her how it leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no disagreement about this. Emotions are your feelings, after all. The third step is to question ways you together will alter the interaction of your friendship."

Keep in mind that she also has her own side, so you need to remain ready to hear that. A helpful technique is telling her:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to listen without interrupting for half an hour."

It's wildly successful to encourage understanding.

Final Thoughts

She could ignore everything, since certain individuals have a deep-seated story: they maintain a story about themselves they cannot let go of because their very survival depends upon it being the only thing familiar to them. This is difficult as there is no easy route in such cases, mere obstacles. However, she might at first react this way before reflecting your perspective. And should you never reach an agreement, it provides satisfaction from having been open and direct.